Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. Divorced quickly. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. She never apologized. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. 57mwm here. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. Its not that hes a bad person hes not but at this point hes kind of like a zombie. 1 use and money making business on the internet. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. She may well become that cat lady a previous poster described. * PLATFORM OR CMS. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. Men are not mind readers. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! .! It literally changed our lives. She apologies oh well. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. Our marriage became almost sexless in 2006 when our 17 year old son was killed in an accident. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. If you deny one you put a wall around the other. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. But when I try to go to the next level. My problem is my husband is still very much interested. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. So all should take care on this. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! It is a great resource for relationship help. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. Thank you, Harry. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. She like others doesnt want intimacy or sex, which I could deal with for the most part but then she makes remarks about me masturbating or watching porn. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. lol. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. This is relevant for anyone with anxiety about their body (which, unfortunately, is true for the vast majority of women), but it may be particularly relevant for women as they age, go through childbirth, or simply experience changes to their body over time. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. About ten months ago she started yelling at me whenever I put my arms around her. Cheating just isnt in me. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. WFT. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. Id like to hear how you feel. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. Same issue here. So, get your act together, start showering in the evenings, put on some cologne for her and, most importantly, keep things well groomed and hygienic down there. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. Pretty graphic stuff. Good luck. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. I was too vain and just average. They need not be. It isnt. ( I told him about the job opening). All information is confidential. Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. I have no idea what to do. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. Hello Will, The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. Or when she does get in the mood again 45 minutes to get hard and going and he is done like always within a minute and he rolls over and goes to sleep. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Wish she would just say so. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . Many marriages have been ruin, husband are sad, desperate, when wives started to isolate themselves. Its not always the woman who has no interest. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. not someone to basically jerk off into. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. So we settle. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Risk cheating get a divorce or anything ??? There are many reasons. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. . There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. 24 years younger than I. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? All the way. And we sacrifice ourselves for them. While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Is it something we should split over? I also recognize he has no intentions of changing. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. It will only create more distance between you. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Hes had issues with porn for a long time. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. Wake up. Put simply, she needs me as a caregiver and husband, as our son and 5 grand kids moved away for church school 2 years ago. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. * https://disqus.com/admin/universalcode/#configuration-variables I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Seriously? I am 62 and my husband is 63. I have a simple fix for all this. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. We are just roommates. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . To me, that is emotional abuse. My 76 year old husband has not. Hi, Nice advice. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. Thank you Joan, for all you do. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). Thrown into menopause way too young. Now, I just want to be wanted by her. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. Its all a crock. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. 4. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. I am afraid Buck is correct. Makes me happy Im not married. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse. I ruled our marriage & family and still do. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. and possibly evil. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. I have spoken to my wife several times. We had an active sex life and I miss the physical part of our lives. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. I am so angry at him too!!! I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. Your story is very very simular to mine. So the thing I hate hearing but rings true is once in the no sex zone you are not coming back in to it. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. We men are not brain dead. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. Thats abusive and hurtful too. My hubby is one happy camper. Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. I feel like its just my life now. Stan, Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. Sex ended, period. Period. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. In the room. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? My wife lost interest in sex years ago. Honor us with attention and physical contact. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. Want to know why? I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. I didnt sign up for this garbage! Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. Really? Sh. Who risks? Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. Marriage, at its core, is a compromise that trades each partners strengths to make both better off but at a cost.
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my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore