Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. I am the same way. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. But the guilt is killing me. Sentiment accepted, though. If this is bothering you, then tell him. I wish I told my wife, but she found out because in my browsing history I had searched should I tell my wife I kissed a girl when drunk. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. It happened two days ago. He has morals. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. David bit Jordan. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. | Do you want to end you marriage? Feeling guilt when dumping the guy : r/datingoverthirty Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. I'm married, but kissed another man - PeoplesProblems.org As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer. Slaying suspect pleads guilty | News, Sports, Jobs - Altoona Mirror Wouldn't you? No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. But living a lie would be so much worse. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. I mean that in a funny way. I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. You kissed a guy - Possibly unforgivable. (I bet many would not kiss & TELL -as it would only invite chaos in their marraiges). Well you need to figure that out and fast. Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do . Or do I? I have to admit that by kissing this guy whom I liked, I did cheat on my husband. Personally I don't believe in marriage. He Have Lipstick Stain Or Make Up Stain On His Face It's an obvious sign that someone kissed him. Be the adult here. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. Keep it to yourself. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. Oh, I see. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Yes Im addiction there are things called SUDs.. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Already have an account? 4. instead of: in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. View related questions: I gave up playing tennis with him. Your Drinking Behaviour. SOULMATE: I accept the ASSuming Award. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. And he kissed me and I reciprocated. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. I'll see you over there. Good luck. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. That is what separates the women from the girls. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. Y'know what it all boils down to the lips. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. I know true remorse when I see it. You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Please help. 4 days ago. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions My gf went to a house party and got really drunk, and apparently kissed a g My girlfriend got drunk and kissed another guy, 2 months later she got drunk and kissed a girl, HELP. But not good enough and you not happy enough to exclude fore-foreplay (open-mouthed kissing) with someone (*ugh) other than him as per the for-life contract? Soulmate I guess as long as you stay at this site I'll find all of you. Guilt protects our relationships. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: If you don't figure this out OP, it will happen again. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. Then (my name) I NEED SEX! So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? Wow! And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. Don't hurt him any more than you already have. Need help with your relationship? i think OP is using 'kiss' to mean 'more than kiss', but whatever, it was 4 years ago in a rough patch.. everyone here is wrong. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. 3. And, he did little favors for me. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. (By the way, dwahling, am loving your tu-tu and Toys R Us tiara! Its more like an excuse for cheating. It was important to hear the argument for doing what is right. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? ;-) Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. She had gone to bed. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. The straight guys get into it, theres no doubt they even end up biting the LGBT guys. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. Lol I love you already. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A What should I do. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. I could tell that he had a thing for you. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk I told him straight away what had happened. Evidently. My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. What? Having eyes for someone else while you're married is seen to be wildly inappropriate. A few people here will recommend MC but it really depends on what you can tolerate. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. Just my opinion. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. Kissed another man. Distraught by my feelings. | Mumsnet You want me to go on a comma and replace her. I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. ;-). The way I see things, there are innocent kisses, which occur when a person had too much to drink, and then there are guilty kisses, which are precipitated by getting drunk. I can't stop playing it over again and again. He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. That left just me, the man and another woman. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! 2. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? That's a long time for kissing. "Soz". Even though it took her a while to make that choice, she both never recognized her role and then made a series of bad choices after. Don't have an account? After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. I went out for drinks in town last night and got extremely drunk and kissed another man, it only lasted not even a few seconds but I feel so so so guilty and wish I could take it back. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. So if life hands you lemons, don't HIDE them where they could one day trip you up or cause a rotten stink. I was very drunk. Should I ask him for gas money? And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. :-) I mean, *I* don't mind if your relationship continues slowly but surely remaining on the skids, do I. You reap what you sow. I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. No, you don't. Should find time to respond tomorrow. Is Having Feelings for Someone Else While Married Normal? My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. We've been together a lot of today for various reasons, we've talked a little but as of right now, officially I'm still "thinking things over." Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. Apologize to your SO and tell him that you love him and only him. Houston, we have a problem. I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh? (Got me cracked) 24 [3] you couldn't extend to him the same courtesy he'd already extended to *you* (i.e. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. With or without the same seniority. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. I am giving him space to think. I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. End of story. Social media, the Internet, texting and so on. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. 14 Effective Ways To Get Over The Guilt Of Cheating - A Conscious Rethink Food for thought, Michelle Langley. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. Just, why leave yourself open if you don't have to. It was just a kiss. You're not attracted to him? Certainly, that's what I myself meant and expected you to quote Bienne as more or less echoing. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? female I felt disorientated. You cheated. And he grabbed my waist!. Okay. It didn't feel real. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. It happens, in other words. Login first But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. She said this is how it starts. LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. Three women and one guy went back. male That's a lot to take in. Pointer much appreciated, though. I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. I feel horrible. You can't fake that . Not Opening Up To You Anymore That is what separates the women from the girls. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. What if your husband ever found out? I love him so much and feel totally ashamed at what happened over the weekend in what was a drunken moment at at a party.I got drunk and kissed another boy. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. What you *can* have is the Biggest B*lls on the Block award. I didnt want to cheat on him and I made up my mind it wouldnt happen again. I took the ride. His imagination could go haywire over that one. (I wonder why.) I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. Hi Scope! Shes Colombian and very fiery. You were no exception. I have no idea who the girl is. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. How is that beneficial to him? We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. I get the whole 'not wanting to hurt him' thing but, to some people at least, a kiss is very much cheating and so the SO deserves to know what happened right? Your choice, as ever. What should I do. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. Nah Don't say a word about it. "He's a great kisser" what she said to me. If you were to act like the person you want or see yourself to be, what would you do? Sincere apology if my assumption is wrong. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" , By entering this site you declare People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? What does it mean for my marriage? It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' Biological ones. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. FoxieLadie is Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. You already have internalized that part. Generally people dont care when it happens with others but when it happens with them, they may react very differently because human are emotional creatures. If he wants to keep her as a "friend", complete access is a must. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Period. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. 07/12/2015 22:05. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. I love your stories, Foxie. PostedNovember 9, 2014 NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. Translation: Stuff moral taboos, my wanton self-gratification urge is more important than any implement for world peacebut I'm a nice guy, no, really I am.) If your husband *did* get wind of it thus realised you'd kept it secret from him - despite he told YOU when someone made a pass at HIM - he'd then have A NUMBER of major beefs with you: So what do you think? Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? Hence - two aims for the price of one act: psychological fertility treatment + attention and affection. My girlfriend(Cintia), me and my best friends girlfriend (called Mercy). I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. Your guilt is your punishment. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. The marriage itself trying to keep his father and the community happy, and just get my husband to consider the rest of the job force he worked in and the many his wants would affect with UAW seniority for a big three auto plant. It's just a "good weekend?" She may say that. Yes it hurts.. Take it away, expand if you please! And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. What!! NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. However, if you kissed someone whom you liked or had a crush on while you were drunk, my opinion is that you cheated. I'd be obsessed with it. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. Are you sure all you did was kiss? female male We all should know by now that alcohol affects our judgment and that it can make us less inhibited and cause us to behave in ways in which we never would behave while sober. I wouldn't want him around the person. I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. After he gave me a drink we started kissing and I felt terrible.He then asked me to sleep with him. Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. I Kissed Another Guy When I Was Drunk, Should I Tell My Boyfriend? I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? She has just sent a private message to him on FB. Tell boyfriend another guy tried to kiss me? - GirlsAskGuys Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. Have a happy day every one. 15 votes, 25 comments. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent, I could go on about a lot of things here. Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. Secrets have no place in a marriage. When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends.
i feel guilty for kissing another guy